focus and clarity (blahg #7)

let me direct
the course open
but decided, consistent
today the blahg
will focus on
"tired," "hopefulness," and
"dreams unfulfilled, diminished."

"Tired"

on waking today
my body ached
i coughed and
rolled out of
bed. i slunk
down the steps
creaked to the
computer, hunched behind
the keyboard and
began to type.
each key stroke
an effort, true.
i'm 36 and
should not be
this tired. my
alarm went off
and i clicked
it's switch to
silence the urgent
persistent beeping and
i realized i
could sleep forever.

"hopefulness"
not a favorite
word or concept.
i believe that
hope indicates desperation
and that, in
some capacity, the
person who hopes
either has two
issues he or
she must confront:

a. the situation
is dire and
urgent, failure imminent

b. the ability
or the option
in self confidence
is not available


"dreams unfulfilled, diminished"


it feels as
though i am
dreaming, day dreaming
about stuff out
of my reach?
as my unfulfilled
dreams morph from
"dream" to "goal"
to "scheme" to
"fancy" to "oh,
someday it'd be
nice." i would
like to think
that recharging to
charge ahead is
in my nature.
defeat is initiated
only by self
acknowledgement, dream suicide?
when others doubt
i suppose, homicide?

today i will
twice as many
push ups, that
will show them.

grimm