waking up to the new role

teenagers.

they're waking to that penultimate day of leisure. sleeping in? nervous butterflies flitting around. a summer spent apart from friends and activities. no books for certain. now the pressure increases. the sweat begins to appear. the normal disaffected posture quietly shifts to cope against embarrassment or insecurity.

i sit blogging. for fifteen years i too went through the above process... not a as badly as the kids... but as a teacher i felt the same way. now, i don't. i have left the building and i sit at my computer and try to figure out how to get people to give me money.

mmmmmmmm... money.

now there is backwards mapping. road maps... shifting money from this account to that account... beg to play here... hope to play there... the stress is less... the difference is self discipline, right?

for so long my internal clock was tuned to the school clock... "must wake at 4:30 am to get to work" and now, "i want to sleep until 9 am" not feeling successful... must get up earlier and work harder... today wasn't bad but still. hard to feel like i'm pursuing a career when the overall feel of the job is drastically different than my previous money making profession.

odd

indeed

uploading artwork. thinking about my blog. must practice music. must find a routine. routine will find me. new guitar was bought... 1946 Gibson ES 125. really good shape... it's being refretted now by philtone guitars... it sounds like a stick of butter wrapped in bacon. mmmmmmmmm.... wrapped.

okay... maybe i'll post twice today.

grimm