things of the past

june star stuff:

good rehearsals! meeting with morphius... will take the blue pill...

blog junk:



the lamp on my writing desk comes from my mother's desk. acutally, my writing desk is my mother's desk. and here i sit, where she sat, it was her chair too, and i write. my scribbles are far different from hers. my clickety clack to her scratching. my thoughts posted to some nebulous network and nether worlds, her's posted to family. she also balanced her check book at this same desk. wow. imagine the adding and subtracting she used to do.

let me not get too far from the muse. the thought should regain focus, peer in and discern that very sense of what parents give us. dna for sure... lessons in guilt... denial... love... betrayal... forgiveness? forgiveness, that's the one i want to talk about. the power of forgiving.

of all the things humans can do to destroy one another forgiveness swings a heavy bat my friends. sure, guns and bio-tech warfare are pretty devastating... physically. their collateral damage? emotional wreckage, right? how could someone do this to antoher human being? man, i've asked that too... and not necessarily when someone hurt me physically... contrary to hurting someone, forgiveness takes away the power, that threat, those fears whose sole purpose is to degrade and deconstruct. not to mention the personal release forgiveness allows. the allowence of sleeping and dreaming... the bitter ball at the pit of the stomach bubbling when you see the person or hear a name. yes, that feeling launches from its perch away from you and into dissipation.

healthy options for the living include: letting it go, not taking it personally, understanding where someone is going or where someone has been. allah, jesus, buddah, zorlock the space god could be symbols for these ideas or tenets.

but aren't these ideas human to human? what of the monsters that lurk just on the inside, around the gloaming hours? then forgiveness is about personal survival... saving yourself... sparing yourself... discovering the wonderful traction that supports or even encourages resilience and salvation.

the monsters cannot be held accountable for their actions can they? can they be explained... monsters aren't human so how could we rationalize them as cognizant of their actions? i know, forgiveness doesn't keep us safe from their physical attacks... but again, that emotional twinge, your inner sanctum, where you live, home, your room, your dreams, your pride, your kitchen, your heart, your "self", those are the temples forgiveness defends... a shield,the force field. bitter roots find zero ground... the monsters can be caged... but so can you, the resentment incurred from monstrous activities feeds from self pity and loathing. think of a drive in... think of that large wooden screen where images are projected... the film showing tonight: What happened to me and look how awful it is! starring: you know who. why watch it? you've already lived it. take down the screen... do not allow the past injuries to reflect on the present opportunities or those endeavors will hint at bitterness...


enough, enough.

grimm